july gloom

Things are looking up.  Joy's treatment has gone alarmingly well, and each day her pain and cancer recede a little more.  Thank you for the kind words.

I completed my first ever 10-day juice fast last month!  I've always been wary of fasting (seemed like something only emaciated, over-smiling raw foodists did), but I found me a credible guide with her head on straight, and dove on in.  What an experience!  The fast was the first part of a nine-part, 66-day course that helps you clean up your body, and replace your nasty habits with good ones.  If you're on FB and you've been looking for some clean food info and ideas, check out RawganicVegan. (Unfortunately FB is her only online presence at the moment {also please don't let the name stop you.})

Despite all this good stuff, I've been a moody little bummer to be around.  I've definitely lost a bit of myself lately.  NO knitting.  NO blogging. NO guitar. Almost NO reading.  Haven't had friends over in...uh...6 MONTHS?!  That can't be right.   Well anyway, these are all little things that make me feel more me. (And yes, I realize that they all fall under the "hobby" heading, and mothers of young children are supposed to have no time for hobbies, so I'm going to have to live dangerously here.  Actively seek them out once again.  Starting....now.

Here's a moody-but-uplifting anthem from Big Deal's June Gloom. (See what I did there?)


  1. I'm so glad to hear that the treatments are going well. What a relief. It sounds like she's not quite out of the woods yet, but that things are going in a positive direction. Thank you for the update!!

    I've been moody this summer, too! We made a huge, extremely awesome, life change that has allowed me to be at home full time with Daniel, and has given us much more space AND a backyard. But this full time mom thing is hard! It's hard not to sound like I'm complaining...I'm really not, I am so, so happy...but something you said resonated with me -- with the toddler-care and moving and cleaning a larger house, I have had little time for those things that make me feel like me. So I'll live dangerously, too, and join you in seeking them out!

    Thanks for posting...always nice to "see" you here!

  2. So delighted by your blog! Just found it via The Yarniad, and love the real personality I'm seeing here. Hang in there with doing your best to love each day you get with Joy. I've seen two relatives through that battle. When the treatments work, it's exhilarating. When they don't, it can feel just scalding. No matter what, be sure to affirm the personality of the one you love. It's so easy for them to lose the "things that make them feel like themselves" just as the rest of us do in working and mothering.

    That's the real reason I got on here in the first place: I so appreciate the way you describe the longing for "things that make me feel like me." My job is the major support for my whole family (husband retired, mother sliding into dementia), so cutting and running isn't an option... but I think about it most days and stay up too late every night in an attempt to stretch the time I have to be myself. I keep saying inwardly that I'm too old to have these doubts and struggles, but it's dawning on me that this struggle to find time is the bottom-line human condition. Whatever we can do to help each other find ways to be true to our real selves is a gift to the Universe.

    So: for your children's sake, please get out that guitar. Why should they be stuck with a boring mom? And no matter how brilliant your husband's guitar work is, it isn't yours. Please ignore him. Impressive and fabulous as he is, he hasn't a clue what your music ought to be. Likewise your knitting. How many of us are there who have been self-taught or whose stumbles have made more interesting final products? For the sake of the sister/brotherhood of everyone out here trying to be ourselves, dear Owl in the Rain, give it your best shot and don't look back!